Early this morning I found out that a friend of about 45 years died on February 4. We went to Rutgers together. He was one year ahead of me, but we lived in the same dorm on the same floor two years in a row. Many a night I would be in the room that Bob shared with another guy. And many a night they had to kick me out at about 2am or 3am. One time, I think it was winter break, I was invited to stay with him (he was still living with his parents) in the small town he grew up in, north of New York City. He said to let him know when I got to the train station. He had left ahead of me. I asked for his home number, as there were no cell phones. He replied with "4236" (I don't recall the actual numbers). And I replied with something to this effect: "Funny. What's the rest of the number?" That was it. Everyone in town had the same prefix.
While Bob and his roommate and I hung out a lot, I believe it was Thursday nights that he would go out to a local pub and drink beer with a different set of friends. He would come back a little tipsy, but always with a smile on his face. And that was his personality, happy and easy going.
After Rutgers, we both attended law school, me on the west coast at UCLA, and he on the east coast at UConn. After graduating, he went to work for the State of Connecticut, Judicial Branch. He eventually rose to become the Director of Human Resources for the state's judicial system. He married his longtime girlfriend, and they have 3 great kids. One of our best trips back east was a winter trip, staying at their home in a small town in Connecticut. Their backyard had a downhill slope, and our kids had a great time riding a sled down that hill in the snow.
Two other things stand out from that trip. His oldest child, 17 at the time, wanted to go skiing up in New Hampshire. But his parents said no. But he kept hocking them about it. Finally, I took him aside and I said, "listen, they've told you no several times. Let it go already." To which he replied, "Mike, I got this. They're going to cave in soon." Yes, they caved in. I suspect Bob was the easy mark.
The other thing I recall is ordering Chinese food one night. After the order was placed, I went into the living room and sat down on the couch to wait for the dinner to be delivered. Bob said: "What are you doing?" I replied: "I'm waiting for the dinner." He laughed and said, "you big city boys. You think they're delivering food here in the boondocks? Get up and let's go get it!"
With age, Bob appeared to become more liberal/left, as I became more conservative/right. Nevertheless, he was a long time reader of the blog. One time he called me up to tell me he had a beef with one of my posts. When I said I could handle it, lay it on me, he told me the beef was that he agreed with all of it! But things changed with Trump. As time went on, he, like many others, could not understand why I voted for Trump.
It was just before Thanksgiving in 2020, when I called to wish him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving. I received a text message back, explaining that he did not feel good about talking to me, given my support for Trump and the Republicans, and the effort to overturn the 2020 election. It did not matter that I said that I accepted that Biden won on election night. What I can only describe as a visceral hatred of Trump, which I've seen in many others, interfered with my longtime friend's willingness to talk it out. To try to understand.
I was upset. I was hurt. How could a 4 decades long friendship end over politics. Then my hurt turned to anger. We never really communicated after that Thanksgiving. As we got older, we both developed health issues. Notwithstanding the end of our friendship, I continued every Shabbat to include him in the Mi Sheberach prayer, a prayer for those in need of healing. Because Bob was a good man, and a dear friend. He was a family man, and he and his wife raised 3 wonderful kids. For some time, when his wife's parents were quite elderly, they moved into their house. No problem for Bob, because that's the type of man he was.
As I shed a few tears, I say may G-d bless Bob's soul. And may his memory forever be a blessing to his family and all of his friends.
